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[BreeVanDeKamp]

Soll bis morgen ein Comment zum Thema "Child beauty contest" schreiben...habe mich vorhin gleich drangesatzt....
aber ich bin mit meinem Resultat alles andere als zufrieden! Es ist eigentlich eher eine Erörterung geworden... Es ist sozusagen nur eine “Abarbeitung” der einzelnen Pro- und Contraargumente..und der Schluss ist auch nicht gerade einfallsreich und viel zu kurz..... Habt ihr irgendwelche Verbesserungsvorschläge für mich? Wir haben in der Englischstunde einen Text über das ermordete Kindermodel JonBenet Ramsey gelesen...Das wollte ich vielleicht gerne noch reinbringen, aber wie? Bitte helft mir...


We often hear about so-called "child stars", who are pushed by their parents into show business. One possibility of becoming such a "star" is to be a child model in pre-teen age. But this is only one side of the whole truth. Many children are not ready for this career or the parents are too ambitious. The results for the kids can be fatal...

First of all, I think that the idea to send their children to a beauty contest is not a wish of the children, but of their parents. There are various reasons for this. I might be wrong, but I think that many parents use their children as a showpiece object for get to the public. I think that many parents don’t know what they do to them. Personally, I think that it’s a vast physical and psychological stress for the children. I can’t imagine that kids in this age are up to this demands and stress. In my opinion they can’t enjoy their childhood, because they haven’t got much free-time. As far as I know, do kids learning by playing. And how can that happen when they haven’t got contact to other children of the same age?
But I must admit that there are no only negative arguments. I am sure that there are some children who are really talented. They are support and can get the chance to be famous. Moreover in this way the children learn early, that they must work for money and success...

So all in all I believe that I would never send my children to a beauty contest. I should like to repeat once again that you can’t expect this vast stress to a young child in pre-teen age.

[richard]

hallo!
Dein Text sit sprachlich sehr gut (ein paar kleine Fehler könnte ich noch verbessern)

Deine Bedenken zum Inhalt ("eher eine Erörterung") teile ich.

Bei einem Comment würde ich eher eine engagierte Stellungnahme pro oder contra erwarten.
Leider ist der Termin schon morgen-wenig Zeit für eine Umarbeitung.

Hier nochmal ein paar Hilfen zum "comment" (eigene Meinung)

ENGLISCH
Redewendungen
Redeabsichten
Discusion/debate
Diskussion/Debatte

Espressing an opinion / personal/ decided/ supported by facts
Eine Meinung äußern /persönlich/ entschieden/ auf Faktenbasis

In my opinion Meiner Meinung nach
As far as I’m concerned was mich betrifft
It appears to me that Mir scheint es
I think Ich meine
I’m certain/sure that Ich bin sicher dass
I’m convinced that Ich bin überzeugt, dass
My persuaded opinion is that Meine wohlüberlegte Meinung ist, dass
One has to confirm that Man muss bekräftigen,dass
What I find important is that Was ich wichtig finde, ist,dass
I tend towards the view of Ich neige zu der Ansicht von
I fully agree with Ich stimme völlig überein mit
To me it seems self-evident Mir erscheint es sonnenklar
The crux of the matter is that Der entscheidende Punkt ist, dass
What really counts is that Was wirklich zählt,ist, dass
On the basis of all available evidence Auf der Basis der verfügbaren Beweise
It is undeniable Es lässt sich nicht leugnen
Beyond any reasonable doubt Jenseits allen vernünftigen Zweifels
Without any doubt Ohne jeden Zweifel
Let the facts speak for themselves Lassen wir die Tatsachen sprechen

[BreeVanDeKamp]

Kannst du mir vielleicht noch helfen den ein oder anderen Fehler zu verbessern. Ich wollte den Comment schon gerne im Unterricht vorlesen, aber dieser ist echt schlecht ...und ich weiß einfach nicht, wie ich ihn besser machen kann..........

[richard]

We often hear about so-called "child stars", who are pushed by their parents into show business. One possibility of becoming such a "star" is to be a child model in pre-teen age. But this is only one side of the whole truth. Many children are not ready for this career or the parents are too ambitious. The results for the kids can be fatal...

First of all, I think that the idea to send their children to a beauty contest is not a wish of the children, but of their parents. There are various reasons for this. I might be wrong, but I think that many parents use their children as a showpiece object for get to the public. I think that many parents don’t know what they do to them. Personally, I think that it’s a vast physical and psychological stress for the children. I can’t imagine that kids at this age are up to these demands and stress. In my opinion they can’t enjoy their childhood, because they haven’t got much free-time. As far as I know, kids learning by playing. And how can that happen when they haven’t got contact to other children of the same age?
But I must admit that there are not only negative arguments. I am sure that there are some children who are really talented. They are supported and can get the chance to be famous. Moreover in this way the children learn early, that they must work for money and success...

So all in all I believe that I would never send my children to a beauty contest. I should like to repeat once again that you can’t expect young children to be able to bear this vast stress .


Nochmal: der Text ist nicht schlecht, vor allem sprachlich. Beim mündlichen Vortrag achtet sowieso kaum jemand auf die Berücksichtigung der Textsorte! Bring das ruhig morgen so! =K?

[BreeVanDeKamp]

Vielen lieben Dank für deine Hilfe!!!